Love is Optimism

“Love is sweeter the second time around.” But this has nothing to do with my post today. I just want to start my paragraph with “love” and this is the first passage that pops up into my mind. I don’t know, but I have this sense that whenever I start everything in love, positivity always comes in. It is the activation of optimism, I believe.

From my last post (Buhay ng Aking Lamesa), you have seen how messy I am when reviewing. But on a latter part, I can still fix my things after the stressful memorization of formulas and procedures… And what makes you clean your surroundings? It has only three possible reasons: (1) it was part of your daily routine; (2) you are so inspired or in the mood to fix everything; or (3) you are facing a problem so you want to divert your attention to some things, probably cleaning. Obviously, the third reason has no room for this post because I started the paragraph with love. Also, reviewing is not a constant part of my daily routine, so I am not obligated to clean my table every day. So that leaves us to the second possible reason, YES! I am inspired to fix my things because my hard work pays off. I PASSED THE CE MOCK BOARD EXAM! And that made one of my dreams come true, to finish my studies by graduating to college. It is done, finally.

Photo Credit: www.colourbox.com

Photo Credit: www.colourbox.com

Even if I wasn’t able to march with my classmates last March 2013, the feeling is still mutual; I have seen and realized that whenever you put the best from all your efforts towards something, the result is very heart-warming and fulfilling. There is nothing to compare from the joy it brings that I deserve all of these. And most of all, to my God, who made all things possible, He deserve all the praises, glory and honor from my success. I LOVE YOU MY LORD!

 
 

Buhay ng Aking Lamesa

table ko

Ito ang kalagayan ng table ko sa tuwing nauubusan na ko ng oras sa paggawa ng mga bagay-bagay. Halimbawa para sa pagre-review dahil may exam kinabukasan o kaya naman para sa projects na naaabutan na ng deadline. At sa pagkakataong ito, ang dahilan ng makalat kong table ay para sa pagre-review. Obvious naman sa mga libro at papel, pero sinabi ko pa din kasi baka isipin mo props lang ang mga yan. Totoo yan! Nagaaral talaga ko.

Ang sanhi ng puspusan kong pagre-review ay ang mock board exam namin. Take 2 ko na sa subject na ito. Oo, subject ang mock board exam sa school namin. Hindi ako naka-graduate nung March 2013 dahil sa exam na yun. Dalawampu’t tatlong regular students ng batch 2008 sa kursong BS Civil Engineering sana ang ga-graduate nung March, ngunit dahil nga sa exam na yun nabawasan ito ng isa. At ako yun. Napakasaklap nang pangyayaring yun sa akin – ang matanggal sa listahan ng mga graduating students for March 2013. Ouch talaga! Pero unti-unti ko na ‘tong tinanggap sa tulong ng aking pamilya na maluwag na tinanggap ang katotohanang walang aakyat ng stage sa panahong iyon. Ako sana ang unang ga-graduate sa pamilya dahil ako ang panganay.

Pero hindi naman ako nawalan ng pag-asa. Tuloy pa din ang buhay. Inenroll ko yung subject na yun ngayong summer 2013. Buong bakasyon akong nag-review pero saktong review lang. Habang papalapit na ang araw ng muli kong pageexam, ayan na nga ang dinulot sa aking lamesa – ang patong-patong na notebooks at libro, at ang ilang baso ng kape at tubig. Sobrang minadali ko ang pag-review sa ilang topics na hindi ko pa naabutang aralin nung mahaba pa ang oras ko. Doon ka na naman na-realize kung gaano karaming oras ang sinayang ko sa panunood ng TV at pagbabasa ng mga nobela ni Nicholas Sparks. Pero wala na kong magagawa. Hindi ko na maibabalik ang oras kaya’t magfo-focus na lang ako sa mga inaaral ko kahit limited na ang oras.

Hanggang sa nakatulog na ako at nagising ng maaga para maghanda na sa unang araw ng aking exam: Mathematics at Fluid Mechanics, Hydraulics & Geotechnical Engineering. Kahit habang nagluluto at umiinom ng kape, hawak ko sa isa kong kamay ang aking sariling reviewer. Nire-recite ko ang mga formulas at ang procedure sa pagso-solve ng unknown parameters sa mga Fluids and Soil Problems sa harapan ng kaldero at baso ng kape na para bang sila ang review buddy ko.

Kahit habang nasa byahe mga papel pa rin ang kaharap ko sa loob ng fx. Hanggang sa makarating na ako sa aking school at umakyat na sa room. Ayun! Moment of truth. Isa-isa ko ng sinagutan ang mga problems sa abot ng aking makakaya. Hindi pa rin naiwasan ang makalimot sa importanteng formulas kaya’t nanghula na lang. Ang resulta??? Wala pa. Sandali lang. Sa susunod na post na lang…

 
 

Youth Factor 6: Restored

Photo Credit: truthonair.com

Photo Credit: truthonair.com


 

Nung Sabado, April 20, naganap na ang Youth Factor 6: Restored. As I was on my way to Cuneta Astrodome, ang lakas ng kaba ko, yung tipong nahihirapan akong huminga na parang hinihika. Hindi ko alam kung dahil sa late na ko o kung dahil sa theme na sakto sa akin, Restoration. Pero anupama’t nagpatuloy pa din ako sa paglalakad papunta sa sakayan kasi sayang naman yung libreng court area ticket ko from Pastor Ronald Molmisa. Also, my spirit is strongly telling me to go. So I let the spirit lead me.

Pagdating ko sa venue… ang daming tao, puro kabataan (malamang, YOUTH factor nga eh). Lahat sila, grupo-grupo, ako solong-solo. But it’s not important naman kung may kasama ako o wala. I’m used to it, doing things on my own. But anyway, ang haba ng pila sa entrance. Ang init. Pero kahit ganun, I never see nor hear myself na mainis o magreklamo. I just wait with excitement. And the next thing I know I was raising my hand up high, singing praises to the Lord.

The song “How He Loves” made me cry. I just realized how loved I am under His grace. That in spite of my stubbornness He is there to embrace me and remind me that He will always love me no matter what. Iba ang pag-ibig ng Diyos – very unconditional. Hinding-hindi ito matatapatan ninuman. At kahit ako, hindi ko ito kayang pantayan.

 

Nagumpisa ang topic sa “Restoring God’s Design for You.” The speaker is a living testimony how God works for the things that seems to be impossible. He is Bro. Vins Santiago, the first Filipino male who undergone sex change, but then eventually knew Jesus and became a man again. This shows how God changes the heart of His people towards righteousness. Truly, the truth sets a man free. And with Jesus Christ in our life, unti-unti Niya tayong babaguhin.

The second topic is “Restoring Genuine Love,” by Pastor Ronald Molmisa, the author of the best-selling book, Lovestruck. As he start his talk, nabuhayan ang mga kabataan. Syempre, tungkol sa pag-ibig ang topic kaya relate na relate ang lahat. Love is the only thing that makes the world goes round. Kahit paulit-ulit pag-usapan, hindi nawawala ang excitement sa bawat isa. At kahit alam na ang tama, marami pa rin ang nahuhulog sa maling pag-ibig. But this topic made me realized the real meaning of True Love. It is not based on emotion/feeling. It is a decision, an act to the will of God. At ang pinakamahalagang utos ng Panginoon ay nasasaad sa Matthew 22:37-38, “Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.” As we obey this, surely everything will go well into our lives.

“It is not an accident that you belong to your family,” said Bishop Jonel Milan on the third topic about, “Restoring Harmony in the Family.” Ang pamilya natin ang una’t huli nating nakakasama sa bawat araw. We are made for each other. We are to grow and to learn with each other. God created us with purpose, and to where you are right now, surely, that is where you belong to serve your purpose. There is no perfect family, pero dahil nilagay ka ni Lord sa pamilyang kinabibilingan mo, siguradong ikaw ang maghahatid sa kanila ng harmonization that comes from the leading of our God. You will be the instrument to initiate God’s love to each member of your family. So let us be united with Jesus Christ and let Him work into our lives to affect the lives of people around us.

For the last topic, “Restoring First Love with God,” this completes my restoration. As Pastor Clem Guillermo site the verses from Revelation 2:4, “Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first,” I was moved by these strong words. It comes from the Lord saying, “You don’t love me like you do.” Natamaan ako kasi totoo. Hindi na nga ganun kalalim yung pagmamahal na una kong ipinakita sa Kanya. Although hindi naman nawala yung love ko for Him, still, it is not the way I have loved Him from the start – the love that I have experienced when I first received Him in my heart as my Lord and Savior. As my journey begins on being a Christian, maraming pagsubok ang dumating na nakaapekto sa relationship ko kay God. Hanggang sa unti-unti nitong pinatay ang nagaalab na pag-ibig ko sa Diyos, na nagdulot ng mabilis kong kapaguran sa mga bagay-bagay – yung tipong hindi ko na alam kung may patutunguhan pa ba ang bawat pagkilos ko. Pero kahit na ganun, I still experience the love of God into my life. Alam kong nandiyan lang Siya naghihintay sa aking pagbabalik. Kaya’t walang anupama’t ako’y napatayo sa aking kinauupuan upang mapasama sa dasal ni Pastor Clem para sa restoration ng relasyon ko sa Panginoon. And with that, I know that God will make His way into my life forever and ever.

 

Sa pagtatapos ng programa, iba ang kasiyahang nadama ko. Magaan sa pakiramdam at alam kong kasama ko na ang Panginoon sa lahat ng aking ginagawa. I am now ready to face all life’s challenges that would test and strengthen my faith in Him. I am forever united in the love of God.

 
 

My Life: Four Years Ago

I just saw my 2009 planner this night. A planner that doesn’t contain any schedule or appointments, instead, as I read it, it talks about the highlights of my everyday living. And I was amazed by the detail of every event and experience I have written. Some make sense and some are just fun to read. This reminds me 0f my teenage (I was seventeen during this year) immaturity and uncertainties.

My 2009 Planner

My 2009 Planner


 

And the following are some of the posts I have written that I mind sharing with you:

January 8: Our friendship’s (me and Krizelle) 5th monthsary. Nakapaskil sa Info Board yung names ng mga Dean’s Lister and I saw my name! Yieh. Maulan – nagdala ako ng mahabang payong (yung hindi de-fold)… disaster kasi bumukas bigla sa loob ng fx. Kahiya!

January 18: Sto. Nino feast – nanalo ako ng tupperware at mangkok. ^.^ Sumakay sa ferris wheel with the whole family. Masaya!

January 20: BAD DAY! nagpunta ng Tondo. Twice answered the call of nature -_- Gross!

∴ The ordinary and natural me — being happy, ashamed, victorious and awful.

 

February 1: TONDO NA ‘TOH! CWTS ^.^ Ang saya-saya dami ko naging crush sila #16-Lozano, #10-Mr.Yoso, #13-Oro. ^.^ Hahaha.. Saya talaga! I LOVE IT!

February 17: Championship ng liga sa Tondo. Nakita ko si Lozano, grabe tingin ng tingin saken ^.^ natalo tuloy sila.

∴ The part of being a teen — having a lot of crush and getting obsessed with them slightly.

 

March 8: CWTS Gradball. Corny McDo food namin tapos Zesto yung drinks 😀 Sayawan mode. Senti dance with $%#@%#k (classmate). NO BIG DEAL. ^.^

March 17: Scrabble kami. Shit! Talo ako sa 2 laro. Takte babawi ako bukas! BITTER.

∴ Reality of being a student in a government university and the bitterness of losing in mind games.

 

April 8: Bumili ng Nokia 6300 china phone. ^_^ sa Metropolis. Super excited!

April 15: Apply mode for summer job sa FWCM sa EDSA. Grabe! Bilis ng hiring. ^.^ tanggap agad! hahaha. 😀 kaya lang SCAM daw kaya… NO WORK! -.-

∴ Getting exposed to the dishonesty of the world.

 

May 5: Birthday ni Tito Joseph 😀 Swimming sana sa Batangas kaso nasiraan ng sasakyan kaya sa Laguna ang bagsak! Tsk. Sayang pero masaya naman. ^.^

May 16: What the… lintik na biglaang appearance ni J#$%@ (suitor) sa dinadaanan ko. Hindi ako ready!

∴ The unexpected scenarios — Don’t expect too much but expect the unexpected. 🙂

 

June 12: First time I see the picture of #$% (friend of a friend) sa friendster ng tropa ko. Nakausap ko pa siya. haha. 😀 pogi.

June 23: Wahaha! Lakas ulan grabe ^.^ may mga nakasabay naman akong pogi sa jeep! As in ^.^ amp!

June 27: Waah! Nakausap si #$% (friend of a friend)! Starting this day, I think I lost myself 😦 I don’t know why! Ewan talaga… God please help me.

∴ Getting hooked with handsome boys but afraid to fall in love.

 

July 13: Miss BLOOMING. Miss BEAUTIFUL. Miss BB ^.^ ASA! wahahahaha. 😀

July 19: Simba mode! Naglitawan lahat ng crush ko sa simbahan ^.^ Miss them! Nood HP6. Nakausap si #$% (friend of a friend) malinaw na lahat. Seryoso nga siya ! Lapit na ata. 😀 😀

∴ Appreciating myself more because of people’s positive comment about me.

 

August 2: Woaw! Pogi ni #$% (friend of a friend) sa personal. Malaki ang pag-asa. Mahiyain nga lang. Haha ^.^

August 7: Ayun! Mahal ko na nga ata siya ^.^ Di ko alam kung bakit ko nasabi yun. 😀 I LOVE #$% (friend of a friend)

August 25-26: Ayun oh! Namiss si #$% (friend of a friend) ^.^ Todo banat ka na ha! — hanggang 4:30am magkausap! yan! BANGAG ka ngayon. Tulog lang. Iniwan tuloy ako nila daddy. Wala naman ako nagawa. -_-

∴ Yeah! Am I in love?

 

September 9: Ayun. Mas okay na talaga 😀 Mahal ko nga talaga 😀 🙂 ILYSMDJG

September 18: pinaloadan si Bie ^.^ ssshhh.. wak maingay di niya alam. ^.^

September 20: 14:56 ♥♥♥ status: TAKEN → #$% (friend of a friend) ❤ Mafe — HHWW pa lang muna sa Mall of Asia. ^.^

September 22: by 4pm nag-break kami. 😦 Gulo kasi niya. 😦 but… 09.22.09 23:48 KAMI NA ULIT. Start again ^.^

September 26: WOAW! What an experience 😦 Binaha loob ng bahay namin! Lagpas tao. ┬.┬ (Typhoon Ondoy)

September 28: BREAK na ulit ┬.┬ di talaga kami magkaintindihan. Ayun. Erase all the connections!

∴ Ups and downs of my love life. And this is the first time that I became a fool para gastusan ang isang lalaki because of love – yung loadan ko siya. -_- . When PRIDE and REGRETS takes place into my being.

 

October 1: MOMENT OF TRUTH – Sept25 nagkaroon daw siya ng bagong gf! 😦 awts! ayoko na! Lokohan pala! ┬.┬ super iyak ┬.┬ walang tigil ┬.┬ iyak lang ┬.┬ ┬.┬

October 16: AWTS! pinaghintay ako tapos sila na pala ng ex niya bago saken! WTHFDBS ┬.┬ Ayoko na talaga! 😦

October 19: Birthday ng kaibigan ko ^.^ wahahaha!! Saya! First time kong uminom. Haha. 😀 ganun pala yun?! naku.naku. RED HORSE pa! 11pm na ko nakauwi. LAGOT eh! :p haha. SAYA. LASING.

October 30: AWTS! di siya sumipot. 😦 nanood na lang tuloy ng cine with a classmate – “Jeniffer’s Body”… horror. ^.^ then meet up with my guy bestfriend. Liwaliw lang sa SM Manila 😀 STRONG NA AKO!! ^_^

∴ First betrayal. Super broken-hearted. ┬.┬ ┬.┬

 

November 3: Tapos enrollment! WOAW ^.^ Saya ko sobra! magkasama kami ni #$% (friend of a friend) sa SM Manila then Luneta 😀 SAYA 😀 HHWW, Hug and Kiss. I LOVE #$% (friend of a friend) SO MUCH!! Kahit para akong kabit kasi may gf pa siya.

November 14: Punta kila #$% (friend of a friend) ^.^ Bonding moments with his friends. SAYA. Nakilala ko buong barkada niya. Ayun. Ubos na pera ko… saklap 😀 ~.~

November 15: FORGET HIM PLEASE!! 😦 Bahala na si Lord ^.^ Trust HIM.

∴ Kaguluhan. Complications. Getting back together then mawawala. -_-

 

December 2: Active rin sa mga assignments eh! wahahaha. 😀 LAB IT! SO GOOD TO BE BACK ~ TRUE MAFE.

December 7: AWTS. na-zero sa Surveying Exam. Sana may pag-asa pa… 🙂 Think positive! ^.^

December 20: Woohoo. NET mode. XOXO. Miss it! Grabe. Di pa rin ako maka-get over. Pareho kami ng feelings. But he chooses his gf over me. ┬.┬ CRY ┬.┬

December 31: Gawa assigns! Excited ako para sa 2010. ^^, LAB IT ♡

∴ Trying to move on by doing school works, but still failing because of being out-of-focus dahil sa heart-break. Still hoping even if its really over.

 
And on the last page… the Notes, I wrote this:

WHAT A YEAR!

 

So that was my life four years ago. It looks to be a toughed year for me. A lot of new things have occupied part of my life – positive and negative. Happiness. Craziness. Excitement. Love. Complications. Heart-break. Hardships. And many more. But I could say that this was just the beginning of exploring life along the way. A year that turned my life upside down. A journey to maturity and growth.