Sacrifice No More

I should’ve done something more for myself…

But something came up..
It always came up whenever I’m about to enjoy..
He needs me more than I need myself
to get pampered and all.

I have sacrificed too much,
to the point that what was left for me is him..
Only him.
Now I was left with nothing.

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Destined to be Changed

Photo Credit: thegallerystore.net

Photo Credit: thegallerystore.net

The wonder of living a life is the presence of unending changes. It has awakened us into something that would change our point of view. Things that matter yesterday could be ignored today and forgotten tomorrow. And the important ones are going to remain and keep going. Whatever circumstances life has to offer, it will contribute to our mode of existence.

 

Changes are always present in one’s life. It’s our choice and we’re the one who make it. Life doesn’t limit anything in particular. For the more you want it, the more it will be limitless for you – that there is nothing forbidden you would not do. We are the author of living, consumer of nature, user of time, initiator of happenings and engineer of character.

 

This is my life; I am bounded by beautiful and horrible things in this world. But what I love the most is when I’m surrounded with people that would guide me in the right path. Regardless of the joy they bring, what matters most is the character they are imposing to me. It is better to learn from them first than to have fun with them; for pleasure is much appreciated when you have learned what you must discern in all aspect of life. Although initially, we won’t ascertain those learning if we’re not able to enjoy their company so, we have to be flexible and extensive. Our open-mindedness would give us the signal on where they could lead us and it would help us estimate up to what part we will still be connected in their lives.

 

Fortunately, I have my parents, sisters and brother. They give me this lifetime involvement in our relationship as a family. They are the main contributor in building my personality. We’re not perfect but the essential requirements in building a household are present. I am the oldest. And being the first born, I grow up responsibly bearing in mind that I will be the one who will take care of my siblings and my parents when they grow old. With this mindset, I turn out to be a bossy girl. I want everything to be done my way. And if it doesn’t happen, I get mad. For I always thought to myself that my suggestions are really worth it. There is no room for rejection in my life, all seems to be right. And so, yes, I am selfish.

 

Too much trust to myself helps me to become confident for I used to be shy before. It develops my self-esteem and has brought the best in me. I implant a lot of assurance in my heart. Guarantee that I will always get what I want and I will always be respected by many. All people wants this but only few got the guts to make it happen and I’m gonna make it happen. That’s me, I am excessively-determined.

 

If you will try to ask the people around me about my behavior, they will all respond, maganda (pretty). And that was a joke. No, seriously they will answer, masungit (short-tempered). Many get the wrong impression about me, for I am not that approachable. I’m snobbish but you can get the favor you need from me if you will risk talking to me. I like people who have the spirit to tell someone what they desire even if they have sense that this is a not-so-nice person. It only shows that they are not judgmental. And it will be easy for me to talk to them because I know that they still believe that I am kind if they want me to be one. But still, they’re anxious. It’s what they thought, I’m vain.

 

Being someone to others that I’m really not had lead to my independency. I discover things on my own and I find it hard to share it. Individuality has overwhelmed me in all views. The state of being alone is never a big deal for me. Eventually, I enjoy doing things all by myself. I don’t need anyone, instead they need me. I grow up like this, I’m proud.

 

Things in this world are attainable to someone who is powerful. And you can’t get anything from it if you don’t work hard. But I know that there is God who can help us attain what we want. A continuous prayer will make it possible. If you really want it, God will give it to you if you don’t give up. Even if I possess the attitudes of bravery, I know that it’s not enough for I am nothing without God. I’m a Catholic Church attendee and I always feel like serving the Lord to our church but it never happen. And now I know why it didn’t turn out. It’s my second year in college when me and my friend are waiting for our next class, a girl approach us and ask us if she could share something on us for free. So we agreed. She discusses the “Bridge of Life” and asks us for a prayer of acceptance. I pray with her for the sake of her kindness, but I don’t mean that prayer. Then she invited us for a Bible study and has settled a schedule. At first, I care less for I am not in favor of any other religion except Catholic. Then, for our second meeting, I have more classmates to join us, so she shares again what she had shared to us. And that was our last meeting to her, because we didn’t text her back because of our complicated schedule. I am not aware but yes, I am harsh.

 

Until there’s another girl who keep on asking me to join her, together with my classmates, in their Bible study and I keep on saying “yes” but I really don’t mean it. She never gave up on asking me all over again whenever she sees me. And it gets so irritating that I have to hide myself whenever I see her first. I may save myself from her perseverance to pursue me, but it’s not over. One of my professors is a Christian and he invited us to come to “Freshmen Treat”. So we come and the speakers are so great, but the last speaker made me realize how sinful I am that I need the Lord to overcome things in a right way. After that event, I can’t explain the feeling inside me that I am so eager to conduct a Bible study with the girl who keeps on pursuing me. Until one day she sees me and without asking me, I answered quickly that I will really go. She just smiles. And I added, “Promise!”

 

Our meeting continues and I have learned a lot of things from the Bible. I have seen that it isn’t enough that I pray for it needs an action and a heart of good intention. There are so many truths revealed in the Bible and I could say that it can really change someone who will hear it. The knowledge that comes from the Lord is incomparable. And applying it in real life makes it superior and influential. There are so many shared testimonies in the world, either for the glory of God or the honor of someone. But any of the two, the one who listen to it, gets an impact of amazement and inspiration. Because that’s how we are, if it sounds cool we copy it and try to apply it on our lives.

 


 

The fact that God changes people the moment they accept Christ as their Lord and Savior, occurs to me. I become aware of my attitude. I pray for discipline and a chance to transform into His likeness. I have dedicated my time learning and applying His words through the help of my Bible study leader. Changes occur naturally. I become silent and more sensitive to others. I am loved and restored. All positive things surround me. They bring joy and blessings that I can’t contain anymore so I let it out and let others discern it. For that would be the best thing to be known as you – a light. After some time, many of my friends and classmates told me that I change a lot. And I could tell it to myself too, I am praising God all the more because of these visible changes. From being selfish, I become selfless; from proud to humble; and from harsh to gentle. The old me was gone, everything is new and holy. Things that I love in this world were replaced by things that I have to work in fulfilling the will of the Lord. My heart desires to be with the Lord, my mind yearns for wisdom from God, and my soul longs for the Spirit to be my guide all the time. I love the Lord with all my heart, my mind and my soul. I belong to Him.

 

Being in the right place gives me the idea to be more productive and fruitful. My Bible study leader told me what she observes from me and said, “You have the gift of wisdom. Use it for the glory of God.” From the time she told me that, I was delighted and encouraged. The first thing that comes into my mind was to teach and share the good news to others. I have the words but I need the courage to proclaim. For the courage, many fellow Christians help me on how to share the gospel. Upon learning the ways, I started sharing and serving the Lord. I become an officer to our Christian organization at school and have been teaching some students about the Lord through the Bible. It seems that I’ve been fulfilling the will of the Lord by consistent and continuous obedience on His words. And it’s great and awesome. Love is winning. Joy is bursting. Peace is flowing. Patience is extending. Kindness is happening. Goodness is yielding. Faithfulness is holding. Gentleness is growing. Self-control is ruling. The fruit of the spirit turn out to be active and dedicated.

 
 
 

Love is Optimism

“Love is sweeter the second time around.” But this has nothing to do with my post today. I just want to start my paragraph with “love” and this is the first passage that pops up into my mind. I don’t know, but I have this sense that whenever I start everything in love, positivity always comes in. It is the activation of optimism, I believe.

From my last post (Buhay ng Aking Lamesa), you have seen how messy I am when reviewing. But on a latter part, I can still fix my things after the stressful memorization of formulas and procedures… And what makes you clean your surroundings? It has only three possible reasons: (1) it was part of your daily routine; (2) you are so inspired or in the mood to fix everything; or (3) you are facing a problem so you want to divert your attention to some things, probably cleaning. Obviously, the third reason has no room for this post because I started the paragraph with love. Also, reviewing is not a constant part of my daily routine, so I am not obligated to clean my table every day. So that leaves us to the second possible reason, YES! I am inspired to fix my things because my hard work pays off. I PASSED THE CE MOCK BOARD EXAM! And that made one of my dreams come true, to finish my studies by graduating to college. It is done, finally.

Photo Credit: www.colourbox.com

Photo Credit: www.colourbox.com

Even if I wasn’t able to march with my classmates last March 2013, the feeling is still mutual; I have seen and realized that whenever you put the best from all your efforts towards something, the result is very heart-warming and fulfilling. There is nothing to compare from the joy it brings that I deserve all of these. And most of all, to my God, who made all things possible, He deserve all the praises, glory and honor from my success. I LOVE YOU MY LORD!